Seinfeld
Mood:
chillin'
Topic: sitcom funnies
Episode #165 - The Apology
Compliments of
www.SeinfeldScripts.comElaine: "Yeah, let me tell you something: this is all in her mind, OK? She is
insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed
her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah, she's a
wacko."
***Later in the same episode***
Jerry, [in Monk's with George]: "He took you to Rage-aholics? Why?"
George, [screaming]: "Probably because this whole Universe is against me!"
Jerry: "You've got a little rage."
George: "I know. And now they want me to bottle it up. It makes me so mad!"
Seinfeld
Mood:
lazy
Topic: sitcom funnies
Compliments of
www.SeinfeldScripts.comFrom Episode # 160 - "The Blood"
Elaine: You? I'm more responsible than you are!
Kramer: Don't be ridiculous. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to fill my freezer with my own blood.
Seinfeld
Mood:
happy
Now Playing: Seinfeld - Episode # 139:
Topic: sitcom funnies
Compliments of
www.SeinfeldScripts.com.
From: Episode # 139 - "The Package"
Jerry opens his package.
Jerry : Is this my stereo?
Kramer walks in.
Kramer : Hey you got it.
Jerry : What happened to my stereo? It's all smashed up.
Kramer : That's right. Now it looks like it was broken during shipping and I insured it for $400.
Jerry : But you were supposed to get me a refund.
Kramer : You can't get a refund. Your warranty expired two years ago.
Jerry : So were going to make the Post Office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer : It's just a write off for them.
Jerry : How is it a write off?
Kramer : They just write it off.
Jerry : Write it off what?
Kramer : Jerry all these big companies they write off everything.
Jerry : You don't even know what a write off is.
Kramer : Do you?
Jerry : No. I don't.
Kramer : But they do and they are the ones writing it off.
Jerry : I wish I just had the last twenty seconds of my life back.
"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
-- from the movie "Billy Madison"
"Do not compute the totality of your poultry population until all the manifestations of incubation have been entirely completed."
-- William Jennings Bryan
(In other words, don't count your eggs before they hatch)
"When seeking a companion, become the type of person you would like to attract!"
