Phone call I received...
Mood:  happy
Topic: funny stuff
I just received a call from someone at work...

"Hello this is Bryan, how may I help you?"

"Yeah, I was wondering, how much does it cost to open up an account there?"

"A savings account requires a minimum of $5; a checking account is a minimum of $20."

"Oh ok. Do you guys sell tools there?"

"I'm sorry, tools? What kinds of tools?"

"You know, tools..."

"Ummm...no we don't sell any tools here."

"Ok, thanks..."

(The best part then happens...the person doesn't quite hang up and I hear in the background...)

(Extreme laughter) "I can't believe you just asked him that!"

"I know...I'm so stupid..."

Pope John Paul II Has Tracheotomy
Mood:  sad
Pope Has Tracheotomy, Now on Respirator

Feb 24, 6:02 PM (ET)

By VICTOR L. SIMPSON

VATICAN CITY (AP) - Pope John Paul II underwent a successful operation Thursday night to insert a tube in his throat to relieve his breathing problems, hours after he was rushed back to the hospital for the second time in a month with flu-like symptoms of fever and congestion, the Vatican said.

The pope was conscious and back in his hospital room late Thursday, breathing with the help of a respirator, the Italian news agency ANSA reported.

A top aide to Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi who visited the pope said John Paul was "serene" after waking up from the anesthesia. The pope raised his hand and attempted to speak with doctors but was told not to try, Cabinet Undersecretary Gianni Letta told reporters at Gemelli Polyclinic Hospital in Rome.

Vatican spokesman Joaquin Navarro-Valls said the tracheotomy lasted 30 minutes and the outcome was "positive." The pope had approved the procedure, which the Vatican characterized as elective - underscoring that it was not done as an emergency measure.

The frail, 84-year-old pontiff, who was taken to the hospital shortly before 11 a.m. in an ambulance, will be spending the night in his hospital room, Navarro-Valls said.

But the tracheotomy may require a longer hospital stay and have serious consequences for the pope's abilities to carry out his duties since he will not be able to speak, at least initially, while the breathing tube is in his throat.

Before the tracheotomy, outside medical experts had said John Paul may have pneumonia. However, Navarro-Valls' statement made no reference to pneumonia, saying the pope suffered a narrowing of his larynx.

President Bush, flying home from a European trip, said in a statement: "On behalf of all Americans, Laura and I send our heartfelt best wishes to Pope John Paul II. The Holy Father is in our thoughts and prayers and we wish him a speedy recovery and return to the service of his church and of all humanity."

The pope's sudden turn for the worse alarmed the faithful from Nigeria to the Philippines to St. Peter's Square, and raised more doubts about his ability to carry on.

"We have prayed for the pope to live as long as possible so we can still share our joy with him," said Zofia Gebala, a 73-year-old retiree, as she left a church in Wadowice, the pope's birthplace in southern Poland. "We are praying for him every day, for his well-being. But it's all in God's hands now."

John Paul, who suffers from Parkinson's disease, had greeted pilgrims twice at the window of his studio at St. Peter's Square since his release from the same hospital on Feb. 10. On Wednesday, he made his longest public appearance - 30 minutes - since he fell ill more than three weeks ago.

With each successive appearance, he seemed a little stronger, a little more alert, and his voice rang out with greater clarity.

That made Thursday's reversal all the more shocking for the faithful.

"We are so scared because he has been sick in the past," said Vanessa Animo Bono, 32, a Catholic being treated at Gemelli. "He is one of the few popes who is actually able to listen to people."

Papal officials played down the seriousness of the hospitalization, saying a patient of the pope's age is always at risk from the flu. Vatican aides said the pope had a fever and congestion in addition to the breathing problems.

ANSA reported the pope was conscious when he arrived at Gemelli and that he was sitting upright in a stretcher. According to the report, people who saw him enter the hospital said his face looked "quite relaxed."

Before the operation, the pope was well enough to joke with his medical team, Letta said. When doctors told the pope that the operation would be a small one, the pontiff retorted: "Small, it depends for whom," he said, citing doctors' accounts.

Earlier Thursday, Vatican officials had said the pope suffered from a "syndrome of influenza."

Chile's ambassador to the Holy See, Maximo Pacheco, told The Associated Press that the pope suffered a "bad relapse," citing a conversation he had with the Vatican's secretary of state, Cardinal Angelo Sodano.

But outside experts said people don't get a relapse of influenza itself. Instead, flu can lead to a bacterial infection such as pneumonia or bronchitis, which is an inflammation of the tubes that carry air into the lungs, or to congestive heart failure, a treatable condition in which the heart is unable to pump enough blood to meet the body's needs.

Thursday's hospitalization was the pope's eighth since his election in 1978.

The pope's common touch and his willingness to travel to remote places, despite serious health problems that include knee and hip ailments, make him much loved among Catholics.

As with the previous hospitalization, which lasted 10 days, the latest was certain to fuel speculation about whether he could continue as pope, and what would happen if he was incapacitated.

In the clearest sign that the Vatican may be taking the eventuality of papal resignation seriously, Vatican No. 2 Cardinal Angelo Sodano declined to rule out the possibility during John Paul's first hospitalization this month, saying it was up to the pope's conscience.

Thursday's news spread quickly, with the pope's illness flashed on television just as news shows were ending in the Philippines. Church officials relayed a prayer request to the faithful by text message on their cell phones.

Brigid Nolan, 73, saw the news on television in Dublin, Ireland, and walked to St. Columba's church. She lit a candle and offered a five-minute prayer for the pope and her own struggle with Parkinson's.

"I do draw inspiration from his own fight for life," she said. "He is suffering, but he's surviving, and more power to him. I get angry when people say he should quit. He should keep going for every minute God gives him."

Tourists and pilgrims in St. Peter's Square expressed alarm.

"I'm sure he wants to return to the Vatican because he has spent so much time there," said Ornella Lisandrello, 29, an Italian physician. "I'm sure he would like to die at the Vatican."

In the pope's hometown of Wadowice, worshippers offered prayers at St. Mary's church, where the young Karol Wojtyla was baptized.

"This is a very emotional moment for me," said Zdzislaw Szczur. "His suffering really moves me. It's all God's providence now."

Work conversation
Topic: funny stuff
Trudi: "My car needs a bath..."

Jason: "So does mine...can our cars bathe together?"

Trudi: "Yes but my car is a girl so she needs to go first..."

We all chuckle and ask why.

Trudi: "She needs to go in first cause she might need some private time alone first."

After they play-fought about whose car should go first, Trudi replied with, "remember my car is a little younger than yours so be gentle..."

Lawsuit Over Surprise Pregnancy
Topic: people who need help
I for one think the woman has issues, needs help, and the man should not be forced to pay child support due to her actions. Whether or not he gets punitive damages is another thing...

***************************************************

Court: Man Can Sue Over Surprise Pregnancy

Feb 24, 12:55 PM (ET)

CHICAGO (AP) - An appeals court said a man can press a claim for emotional distress after learning a former lover had used his sperm to have a baby. But he can't claim theft, the ruling said, because the sperm were hers to keep.

The ruling Wednesday by the Illinois Appellate Court sends Dr. Richard O. Phillips' distress case back to trial court.

Phillips accuses Dr. Sharon Irons of a "calculated, profound personal betrayal" after their affair six years ago, saying she secretly kept semen after they had oral sex, then used it to get pregnant.

He said he didn't find out about the child for nearly two years, when Irons filed a paternity lawsuit. DNA tests confirmed Phillips was the father, the court papers state.

Phillips was ordered to pay about $800 a month in child support, said Irons' attorney, Enrico Mirabelli.

Phillips sued Irons, claiming he has had trouble sleeping and eating and has been haunted by "feelings of being trapped in a nightmare," court papers state.

Irons responded that her alleged actions weren't "truly extreme and outrageous" and that Phillips' pain wasn't bad enough to merit a lawsuit. The circuit court agreed and dismissed Phillips' lawsuit in 2003.

But the higher court ruled that, if Phillips' story is true, Irons "deceitfully engaged in sexual acts, which no reasonable person would expect could result in pregnancy, to use plaintiff's sperm in an unorthodox, unanticipated manner yielding extreme consequences."

The judges backed the lower court decision to dismiss the fraud and theft claims, agreeing with Irons that she didn't steal the sperm.

"She asserts that when plaintiff 'delivered' his sperm, it was a gift - an absolute and irrevocable transfer of title to property from a donor to a donee," the decision said. "There was no agreement that the original deposit would be returned upon request."

Phillips is representing himself in the case. He could not be reached for comment Thursday.

"There's a 5-year-old child here," Mirabelli said. "Imagine how a child feels when your father says he feels emotionally damaged by your birth."

4 year old painter...
Mood:  irritated
Topic: people who need help
Let me ask you this: when you give a pencil/pen/crayon/paintbrush etc to a 2 year old...what do you assume they'll "draw"...something that resembles real life images/objects, or squiggly lines and odd shapes?

Most would answer that they would be mostly squiggly lines and odd shapes. Those who might even vote in favor of "real life images/objects" would most likely agree, at least, that the objects would not be very life-like. And if they were, than the 2 year old (we should all be able to agree) is a DAMN good artist.

Anyway, back to my point. Most children aren't painters; most lack the skill to be a real painter. Yet those children who do draw either professionally or for the fun of it (except those few true talents) could only succeed in one category of art: abstract art. Enter...well...whatever the name of the 4 year old's name was on "60 Minutes." She is a successful abstract artist. Some call her a "prodigy." Others prefer "genius."

Side note: you may wonder why I asked about a 2 year old to begin with. Answer: the 4 year old started painting when she was 2.

Further side note: She has drawn 50 abstract paintings, sold her first for $250, her highest selling one was $25,000 and so far (in just two years' time) she has sold $300,000+ worth of paintings.

Now, in case you didn't know, I think abstract art is the most ridiculous thing in the world. I mean ANYONE could paint what she does (and far too many people could paint much BETTER than her). I don't say these things to put her down. I mean I have better things to do than point to a 4 year old and say "I know someone better than you." My point is, not only do I think that abstract art is ridiculous (and a waste of money) but I think it's ridiculous that people should even be discussing whether a 4 year old literally just making a mess on a canvas is a "genius" or a "fake."

Obviously these people on the show disagree with me about abstract art. They think that there is such a thing as "good" and "bad" abstract art. And many people compared this little girl to Pablo Picasso (no doubt the most popular abstract artist) and a few others (who were obviously less popular).

Then there was the psychologist they interviewed. This is what irritated me the most. First they showed the psychologist the paintings. "Beautiful" and "amazing" were the words I remember her using. She said that this 4 yr old was like no other because children tend to try to draw things they know/see (i.e. houses, trees, flowers, etc) rather than just squiggly lines.

I agree with her on that to a point. Very young children start with squiggly lines but eventually, I'd guess between ages 3 and 5 they start to attempt to draw things they see. Obviously most don't have the talent to professionally draw a perfect flower or animal...many could probably do better than me though. So I can see where she is coming from there. What she didn't realize, I think, is that this 4 year old's dad is also a painter. Combine that with the fact that she was 2 when her first abstract painting sold, I think it only makes sense that her parents would encourage her to do more of the same.

However, right after saying what the psychologist did, they showed her video of the 4 yr old actually painting and *suddenly* the psychologist exclaims how she's not a "prodigy" and that the 4 yr old doesn't paint like abstract artists do. The 4 yr old "wouldn't focus" she said...whereas other abstract artists (she claims) would be focused on just their work and their work alone.

She is a freakin' 4 year old! Is anyone surprised that it takes her days or months to finish a painting; her quickest painting she ever did (black canvas with white paint slopped on it) took hours? It would take you or I 20 minutes at most. Took her hours. Why? She's 4! And, not surprisingly, she has the attention span of a 4 year old. She starts painting, gets bored, and moves onto something else. Give me a break!

What to drink...what to drink...
Topic: pictures

My niece Kylie looking for something to drink on the way home from cali...

Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
These are all websites I've found that have the "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy" that were made famous on Saturday Night Live some years ago...

http://www.cco.net/~jpete/deepthou.htm

http://farstrider.net/DeepThoughts/Handey.htm

http://www.geocities.com/Wellesley/4220/deepthoughts.html

http://www.erikandanna.com/Humor/DeepThoughts/

Demotivation
Mood:  happy
Topic: funny stuff
Well we've all seen and heard those motivational posters telling us to strive to be our best, work hard, persevere, etc...

Well hope you weren't looking forward to me sending any...

I now present to you some "demotivational" pictures. Hope you like 'em :-)

http://demotivation.5u.com/index.html

(the page has over 70 images so it may take a while to load...be patient...it's worth it...)

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said - February 16, 2005
Mood:  caffeinated
Topic: funny stuff
*The following is the Feb 16th listing for the "365 Stupidest Things Ever Said." Don't bother trying to make sense of most of it...cause you probably won't be able to... *

"Temporarily each of you, four players, represent a side and the very same man picks up the dice and throws once so as to see who is going to represent the temporary east and so on. If the number of points are 3, 7,11 the man opposite the East, the West, if 2,6,10 the man on the right or the South, if 4,8,12 the man on the left, the North, and if 5, or 9 the East himself starts drawing the topmost Position Indicator, the second, third, and fourth by the south, west and north in their respective order and turn (counter clockwise). In turning over the Indicator each one of you will find where you are to be seated. By this simple process, the allotment of seats is determined."

- instructions on seating players included in a mah-jongg game from China

Work conversation...
Topic: funny stuff
Work conversation...

Trudi: "Has anyone tried that new cherry Pepto-Bismol?"

All of us: "No..."

Robin: "Have you Trudi?"

Trudi: "No, but I will have to soon..."