Men's rules...
Topic: informative
Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

At work...
Now Playing: (For some reason, "8 Days a Week" is circling in my head...)
Topic: funny stuff
Jason: "Our Card Services department is such a freak show...it's ridiculous..."

Could have said it better myself, Jason :)

Seinfeld
Mood:  chillin'
Topic: sitcom funnies
Episode #165 - The Apology
Compliments of www.SeinfeldScripts.com

Elaine: "Yeah, let me tell you something: this is all in her mind, OK? She is
insane. She thinks I made her sick because I coughed on her doorknob, rubbed
her stapler in my armpit, and put her keyboard on my butt. Yeah, she's a
wacko."

***Later in the same episode***

Jerry, [in Monk's with George]: "He took you to Rage-aholics? Why?"
George, [screaming]: "Probably because this whole Universe is against me!"
Jerry: "You've got a little rage."
George: "I know. And now they want me to bottle it up. It makes me so mad!"

Schiavo's feeding tube removed...1pm EST
Mood:  sad
Topic: people who need help
Usually when I choose the "people who need help" topic I refer to people who do stupid thinks and need psychological help. This time, it's a different kind of help.

Below is the news article about Terri Shiavo: a woman who in 1990 suffered a massive heart attack and, due to some medical malpractice, led her to be in a vegetative state. For 15 years Terri's husband has faught to have the feeding tube removed, and for 15 years Terri's family has faught to keep the tube in. The family argues that Terri's condition is improving; her husband disagrees. He further states that Terri told him before her heart attack that she would not want to live on life support. Twice before, in 2001 and 2003 her feeding tube was removed and then a few days later was reinserted.

I'm sorry, but regardless of whether or not you think it is "worth it" to keep Terri on life support or not, starving her to death is the most inhumane way to kill her. I just don't see how anyone can justify forcing a human being to die by starvation. If her wishes were truly not to be on life support, then let her die peacefully. Many people in America are well known for fighting to ensure "peaceful deaths" to those who are in terminal condition or vegetative state and wish to pass peacefully. Where are these organizations now? Why is it that they only seem to fight for those who actually can defend themselves?

Letting her die is one thing; but just pulling the plug on her feeding tube and letting her slowly die over the next week or two is just absolutely horrible.

And to top it all off, the husband's attorney calls the congressional hearings to stop this from happening as "thuggery" and goes on to say, "all Americans should be very alarmed about that." No, we should all be very alarmed about attorneys like you!

****************************************************

Brain-Damaged Woman's Feeding Tube Removed

Mar 18, 5:49 PM (ET)

By MITCH STACY

PINELLAS PARK, Fla. (AP) - Doctors removed Terri Schiavo's feeding tube Friday despite an extraordinary, last-minute push by Republicans on Capitol Hill to use the subpoena powers of Congress to save the severely brain-damaged woman.

It is expected that it will take one to two weeks for Schiavo, 41, to die, provided no one intercedes and gets the tube reinserted. Michael Schiavo's attorney, George Felos, said his client was at his wife's side shortly after the tube was removed.

The tube has twice been disconnected in the past, but was re-inserted within days in both cases. Similar appeals are under way in the current case.

The latest removal came amid a flurry of maneuvering by Schiavo's parents, state lawmakers and Congress to keep her alive. Committees in the Republican-controlled Congress issued subpoenas for Schiavo, her husband, and her caregivers demanding that they appear at hearings in the coming weeks.

But the judge presiding over the case refused a request from House attorneys to delay the removal, which he had previously ordered to take place at 1 p.m. EST.

Felos called the congressional subpoeans "nothing short of thuggery," repeatedly lashing out at lawmakers at a news conference.

"It was odious, it was shocking, it was disgusting and I think all Americans should be very alarmed about that," he said.

The development signals that an end may be near in a decade-long family feud between Schiavo's husband and her devoutly Roman Catholic parents, Bob and Mary Schindler. The parents have been trying to oust Michael Schiavo as their daughter's guardian and keep in place the tube that has kept her alive for more than 15 years.

Michael Schiavo says his wife told him she would not want to be kept alive artificially. Her parents dispute that, saying she could get better and that their daughter has laughed, cried, smiled and responded to their voices. Court-appointed physicians testified her brain damage was so severe that there was no hope she would ever have any cognitive abilities.

Several right-to-die cases across the nation have been fought in the courts in recent years, but few, if any, have been this drawn-out and bitter.

The case has garnered attention around the world and served as a rallying cry for conservative Christian groups and anti-abortion activists, who flooded members of Congress and Florida legislators with messages seeking to keep Schiavo alive.

Outside Schiavo's hospice, about 30 people keeping vigil dropped to their knees in prayer when word spread of the judge's ruling calling for removal of the tube.

"What can wash away our sins? Nothing but the blood of Jesus," they sang. Messages on protest signs included "Impeach Greer.com," a reference to the judge, and "Execution - It's Not Just for the Guilty Anymore."

House Majority Leader Tom DeLay, R-Texas, told reporters in Washington earlier Friday that removal of the tube amounted to "barbarism."

But Rep. Henry Waxman of California, senior Democrat on the Government Reform Committee, called the subpoenas a "flagrant abuse of power" and amounted to Congress dictating the medical care Terri Schiavo should receive.

"Congress is turning the Schiavo family's personal tragedy into a national political farce," Waxman said.

Schiavo suffered severe brain damage in 1990 when a chemical imbalance apparently brought on by an eating disorder caused her heart to stop beating for a few minutes. She can breathe on her own, but has relied on the feeding and hydration tube to keep her alive.

Both sides accused each other of being motivated by greed over a $1 million medical malpractice award from doctors who failed to diagnose the chemical imbalance.

The Schindlers also said that Michael Schiavo wants their daughter dead so he can marry his longtime girlfriend, with whom he has young children. They have begged him to divorce their daughter, and let them care for her.

The tangled case has encompassed at least 19 judges in at least six different courts.

In 2001, Schiavo went without food and water for two days before a judge ordered the tube reinserted when a new witness surfaced.

When the tube was removed in October 2003, her parents and two siblings frantically sought intervention from Gov Jeb. Bush to stop her slow starvation. The governor pushed through "Terri's Law," and six days later the tube was reinserted.

That set off a new round of legal battles which culminated in September 2004 with the Florida Supreme Court ruling that Bush had overstepped his authority and declared the law unconstitutional.

The U.S. Supreme Court has been unwilling to hear arguments in the case.

On Feb. 25, Circuit Judge George Greer gave Michael Schiavo permission to order the removal of the feeding tube Friday, when he also turned back the last-ditch congressional effort.

"I have had no cogent reason why the (congressional) committee should intervene," Greer told attorneys in a conference call, adding that last-minute action by Congress does not invalidate years of court rulings.

The family and lawmakers continued with their fight in recent weeks.

In Tallahassee, the Florida House on Thursday passed a bill to block the withholding of food and water from patients in a persistent vegetative state who did not leave specific instructions on their care. Hours later, however, the Senate defeated a different measure 21-16.

If I had it to do all over again...
Topic: informative
...I would have become a demolition engineer.

The following site is totally awesome! There are videos and pictures linked on this website that show actual buildings and bridges destroyed by demolition engineers. Try not to fall in love with the site like I did :)

www.implosionworld.com

Farmer robber...
Topic: people who need help
Working at a financial institution, I had no choice but to mention this interesting news piece...

*************************************************

Police: Man Uses Pitchfork to Rob Bank

Mar 17, 4:21 PM (ET)

KEY WEST, Fla. (AP) - A man used a pitchfork to rob a bank Wednesday, police said. Fred Simunovic, 47, was charged with armed robbery after police spotted him at the Key West ferry terminal, trying to sail to Fort Myers.

Police said Simunovic entered the Keys Federal Credit Union with a pitchfork in a trash bag and told a teller: "I'm dying of AIDS, I'm homeless and I'm robbing you."

After threatening the teller with the pitchfork, he ran out with an undisclosed amount of money and discarded the garden tool behind the bank, Detective Sgt. Donie Lee said.

Police found Simunovic at the terminal after the ferry captain refused to let him board because he appeared intoxicated. After Simunovic consented to a search, police found $1,859 in cash on him, and said he could not explain where the money came from.

The bank teller and manager later positively identified Simunovic.

Seinfeld
Mood:  lazy
Topic: sitcom funnies
Compliments of www.SeinfeldScripts.com

From Episode # 160 - "The Blood"

Elaine: You? I'm more responsible than you are!

Kramer: Don't be ridiculous. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to fill my freezer with my own blood.

File that under "DUH!"
Mood:  not sure
Topic: funny stuff
This is actually what a newscaster here in Portland said today as they showed video footage of snowboarders enjoying the snow last year:

"You may be enjoying the warm weather, but the ski resorts aren't. Stay tuned and we'll explain why..."

Can ya say, "duh?"