Farmer robber...
Topic: people who need help
Working at a financial institution, I had no choice but to mention this interesting news piece...

*************************************************

Police: Man Uses Pitchfork to Rob Bank

Mar 17, 4:21 PM (ET)

KEY WEST, Fla. (AP) - A man used a pitchfork to rob a bank Wednesday, police said. Fred Simunovic, 47, was charged with armed robbery after police spotted him at the Key West ferry terminal, trying to sail to Fort Myers.

Police said Simunovic entered the Keys Federal Credit Union with a pitchfork in a trash bag and told a teller: "I'm dying of AIDS, I'm homeless and I'm robbing you."

After threatening the teller with the pitchfork, he ran out with an undisclosed amount of money and discarded the garden tool behind the bank, Detective Sgt. Donie Lee said.

Police found Simunovic at the terminal after the ferry captain refused to let him board because he appeared intoxicated. After Simunovic consented to a search, police found $1,859 in cash on him, and said he could not explain where the money came from.

The bank teller and manager later positively identified Simunovic.

Seinfeld
Mood:  lazy
Topic: sitcom funnies
Compliments of www.SeinfeldScripts.com

From Episode # 160 - "The Blood"

Elaine: You? I'm more responsible than you are!

Kramer: Don't be ridiculous. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go to fill my freezer with my own blood.

File that under "DUH!"
Mood:  not sure
Topic: funny stuff
This is actually what a newscaster here in Portland said today as they showed video footage of snowboarders enjoying the snow last year:

"You may be enjoying the warm weather, but the ski resorts aren't. Stay tuned and we'll explain why..."

Can ya say, "duh?"

Outsourcing debate...
Topic: worthy read
Lou Dobbs to outsourcing: Drop dead

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Posted: March 10, 2005
1:00 a.m. Eastern

? 2005 Laurence A. Elder

Where does it say somebody owes you a job? Sure, for most of us, this seems self-evident. But how else do you explain people like CNN's Lou Dobbs?

Dobbs, formerly the host of CNN's "Moneyline," who now hosts CNN's "Lou Dobbs Tonight," seems downright anti-money. For Dobbs constantly rants at the evil perpetuated by greedy American CEOs. What evil is that? Why, outsourcing! Dobbs calls it "exporting America," while he whines about "cheap overseas labor," arguing that "corporate America" ignores its responsibilities that "extend beyond a quarterly profit statement."

If it sounds to you like 2004 Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry, you're not alone. Kerry, too, skewered CEOs responsible for the crime of "outsourcing," calling the executives "Benedict Arnold" CEOs. "When I am president," said Kerry, "and with your help, we're going to repeal every benefit, every loophole, every reward that entices any Benedict Arnold company or CEO to take the money and the jobs overseas and stick the American people with the bill."

What exactly is outsourcing? According to the American Heritage Dictionary, outsourcing is "the procuring of services or products, such as parts used in manufacturing of a motor vehicle, from an outside supplier or manufacturer in order to cut costs." The outside supplier could be in the same town, or a different state or country. Today, the term "outsourcing" usually refers to offshore outsourcing, where the outside service or product supplier is in another country.

A whole lot of companies outsource, including the parent company of Lou Dobbs' employer, CNN! Time Warner, CNN's parent company, employs about 3,000 people in business process outsourcing in India for its AOL company. According to industry sources, Time Warner is considering using India for various business process outsourcing and back office operations for other parts of its company.

Does outsourcing benefit the United States?

You better believe it does. Free trade works both ways. Jobs coming from other countries to the United States are called "insourced" jobs. While more jobs are outsourced from the U.S. than are insourced to the U.S., for the last 15 years insourced jobs grew by 117 percent, while outsourced jobs only grew by 56 percent. Insourced jobs account for nearly 5 percent of all private-sector jobs, and tend to be higher paying – with salaries an average of 31 percent higher than other private-sector jobs. Foreign-owned U.S. subsidiaries manufacturing their goods here in America account for 20 percent of all U.S. exports.

What about the decline in manufacturing jobs? Can we blame outsourcing? For the most part, no. Manufacturing now employs a smaller percentage of workers, given our dramatic increase in worker productivity. Higher worker productivity means fewer workers required. Between 1995 and 2002, U.S. manufacturing jobs declined 11 percent – identical to the average world decline in manufacturing employment. Yet in the last 15 years, insourced manufacturing jobs grew by 83 percent, while outsourced manufacturing jobs only grew by 23 percent.

The U.S. Department of Commerce reported that, in 2003, the U.S. bought over $77 billion from foreign companies, and sold $131 billion to them – exporting nearly $54 billion more in services than we imported. This surplus accounted for an additional 400,000 jobs in 2003.

Outsourcing and globalization of manufacturing allows companies to reduce costs, benefits consumers with lower cost goods and services, causes economic expansion that reduces unemployment, and increases productivity and job creation. According to the McKinsey Global Institute, for every $1 outsourced, the economic gain to the U.S. as a whole is $1.12 to $1.14.

Consider the CEO who refuses to outsource, believing – as does Mr. Dobbs – this hurts America. His competitor, however, wants to increase profits. When he can, he lowers costs by "outsourcing," using the savings to put back into his business. The CEO who refused to outsource now must explain to his finicky customers why he intends to charge them more.

Consider the real-life example of E-Loan, Inc., a Pleasanton, Calif.-based company that processes loan applications. Because of the growing sensitivity to "outsourcing," E-Loan offered customers a choice. Processing your loan could take 12 days if processed by American workers. If, however, you wanted your results two days earlier – in 10 days – you could agree to have your loan processed in India. Guess what? According to the Los Angeles Times, 9 out of 10 customers choose the 10-day, overseas option. So much for, "I only buy if it's made in America."

Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton seems to have a better grasp of Economics 101 than CNN's Dobbs. Speaking to business and political leaders in India, she called "outsourcing" a "reality." Sen. Clinton, offering yet another reason why she may be savvy enough to win her party's 2008 nomination, said, "There are people who feel left behind ... because they do not understand the economic benefits of outsourcing."

Tell Lou.

Gems of Wisdom
Mood:  lazy
Topic: funny stuff
Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with the hopes that something new to eat will have somehow miraculously materialized?

On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message 'one slice'? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

How do those dead bugs get into closed light fixtures?

Why do we wash BATH towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? If not then what was the purpose of the bath?

Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say 'Its all right'? It isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you stupid idiot’?

Why is it that when you're walking up the stairs and you get to the top you always think there's still one more step?

Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

In winter, why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

Why do women always ask questions that have no right answers?

Why do old men wear their pants higher than younger men?

Why is it that inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the heck happened?

If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex?

Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year?

Why is it that men can react to broken bones as 'just a sprain' and deep wounds as 'just a scratch,' but when they get the sniffles they are deathly ill 'with the flu' and have to be bedridden for weeks?

How come we never hear any father-in-law jokes?

Why do men forget everything and women remember everything?

Do Chinese people get hungry an hour after they eat American food?

Shouldn't all married men forget their mistakes? After all there's no sense in two people remembering the same things. Right?

Is the real reason women live longer than men because they don't have to live with women?

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

If at first you don't succeed, shouldn't you try doing it like your wife told you to do it?

And obviously if at first you don't succeed, then don't take up skydiving!

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends: if they're okay, then it's you.

Texas Chili Contest
Topic: funny stuff
Texas Chili Contest

For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield, IL.


Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted."

Here are the scorecard notes from the event:

CHILI # 1 - MIKE'S MANIAC MONSTER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
Judge # 3 (Frank) -- Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.

CHILI # 2 - JERRYS AFTERBURNER CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.
Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.
Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

CHILI # 3 - HANKS FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick.
Judge # 2 -- A bit salty, good use of peppers.
Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now. Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting shit-faced from all of the beer.

CHILI # 4 - BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC...
Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.
Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chili.
Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the beermaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-LB woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?



CHILI # 5 SANDIES LEGAL LIP REMOVER...
Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.
Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.
Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.

CHILI # 6 - JOHNS VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY...
Judge # 1 -- Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.
Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.
Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I shit on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that Sally. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone.

CHILI # 7 -PATS SCREAMING SENSATION CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.
Judge # 2 -- Ho hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.
Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.

CHILI # 8 - RANDYS TOENAIL CURLING CHILI...
Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.
Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced chili. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge #3 farted, passed out, fell over and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor feller, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?
Judge # 3 - No Report

Church One-Liners
Mood:  cheeky
Topic: ramblings
Christian One-Liners

Don't let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes and sand gnats come close.

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of
the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it were perfect, you couldn't belong.

If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing on the Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Copilot - swap seats!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message, the message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to ....... discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

Long day...
Topic: funny stuff
Robin: "Give me a break, Bryan, it's been a long day..."

I glance at the clock. "It's 8:03am!"

Mount St. Helens' mini-eruption
Topic: informative
Mt. St. Helens erupts again

Wednesday, 3.9.05

MOUNT ST. HELENS, Wash. -- Mount St. Helens released a towering plume of ash Tuesday, its most significant emission in months but one that seismologists did not believe heralded any major eruption.

The volcano has vented ash and steam since last fall, when thousands of small earthquakes marked a seismic reawakening of the 8,364-foot mountain.

Late afternoon television footage showed the plume billowing thousands of feet into the air, then drifting slowly to the northeast.

The ash explosion happened around 5:25 p.m., about an hour after a 2.0 magnitude quake rumbled on the east side of the mountain, said Bill Steele, coordinator of the Pacific Northwest Seismograph Network at the University of Washington.

Steele said he did not believe the explosion had increased the risk of a significant eruption and noted that recent flights over the volcano's crater did not reveal high levels of gases.

"We don't expect another explosion," said Peggy Johnson, a university seismologist.

Steele said the ash burst may have been triggered by the partial collapse of a lava dome in the crater, which has been growing steadily over the last several months.

"Until we get a better view in the crater we won't know," Steele said.

Johnson said there had been no increase in quake activity before the explosion.

"The seismicity had been continuing just as it had been," she said.

On May 18, 1980, the volcano 100 miles south of Seattle blew its top, killing 57 people and covering the region with gritty ash.

Mount St. Helens rumbled back to life Sept. 23, with shuddering seismic activity that peaked above magnitude 3 as hot magma broke through rocks in its path. Molten rock reached the surface Oct. 11, marking resumption of dome-building activity that had stopped in 1986.

Scientists have said a more explosive eruption, possibly dropping ash within a 10-mile radius of the crater, is possible at any time.

(Copyright 2005 by The Associated Press. All Rights Reserved.)

Happy Birthday Lisa!
Topic: informative
Today is my sister's birthday... # 28!

Happy Birthday sis...I love ya!